Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
