I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
