their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
