Porn is love you can see.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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