we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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