I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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