Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We need a shit load of segways right now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
