I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
