Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
