I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
