I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
