In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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