piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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