My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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