it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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