I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
