Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
