Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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