So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
