I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Boobs speak an international language.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
