Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
