So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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