ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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