I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
