I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
