Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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