This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize