I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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