His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
