oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We're too hungover to prance.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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