I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
