is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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