Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
