You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
