if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize