i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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