Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize