if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
