Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
