My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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