So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
