I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
