my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
