I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i've created a new STD.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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