I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
