She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
NoShamevember. You game?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
