Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
