This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
