I feel like I'm in dance class right now
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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