I wish I could punch you in the face.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
