im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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