man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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