she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
