you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
