i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
