i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
