I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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