i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
