gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
