Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
