I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
