Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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