Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
