I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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