Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry about my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Holy shit dude........stairs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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