I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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