Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
