she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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