my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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