I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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